"What is done cannot be undone"

  

I have made more mistakes than I can count or remember. The hard part of this is that those I've hurt...remember all too well. 

I have been hurt more times than I care to discuss and the fact is 

"What is done cannot be undone"~Lady Macbeth

I've hurt people in large and small ways. And most of the time I've been forgiven.

 I was hurt once by someone I care deeply for. Why can't I forgive this person? Let it go? Before it even happened I begged her/him not to do it. I warned it would ruin our friendship. I asked nicely. I demanded. I cried. And they chose to take the path of no return. I suppose a better person would move on. Forgive and forget anyway. I was told I could choose my forgiveness and that under no uncertain terms were they going to not do what I asked, and they selfishly did it anyway. And I've selfishly stuck to my guns. I cannot forgive them. I've tried for a long time now. It's just something I will never get over. It's ruined a very special friendship. (We are still friends, but it's always in the back of my mind. Sometimes spewing out of my mouth like a piece of bad sushi.) I'm mocked and harassed by the fact that I won't let it go, yet here I am ...refusing. 

I have an inner peace about this. I wasn't important enough to stop the action and in the process lost a part of me. But I didn't lose my integrity. If I know you are doing something wrong. I'm not going to back down. If I know you are a better person than the actions your about to take I will not condone it or validate it with forgiveness. Especially when you show no remorse. I hold myself to a higher standard. And I hold you to a higher standard. I miss this person and have since that unfortunate day, though I see them frequently. 

Something everyone should think about. Keep a Peaceful heart. I'm not preaching. It's something I am working on. 

"Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Some times they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. 

"So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the extreme example of self-will run riot, though we usually don't think so. Above everything, we must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it

kills us! Inner peace and awareness based on others feelings rather than our own makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without Spiritual guidance."

from the book Al-Anon, page 62

We are both selfish. We both cared about our own needs first. I will try not to do this again, but I cannot change my mind. 

I am not perfect. Today I will

Take actions that make others happy and that in turn will bring me happiness. 

This is for all of you. This is me baring my soul. I cannot pretend that my life and choices are perfect. It's okay to be angry. And one day I'll forgive and put it all behind me. It's been six months now. I will continue to pray for strength to forgive. But I will Repeat Lady Macbeth's quote, "What is done cannot be undone". So be it. 

I Hope You all Have a good day and forgiving heart. 

And wish the same for myself. 

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."~Joseph Campbell 

Let your light shine!